"Can two walk together except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3
I've been asked about a hundred times or more why I'm not married. I've had my share of opinions from people who think they know why I'm not married. I've been told that I'm too picky or that my standards are too high or that I'm not forward enough. Usually, when I face these types of comments, I simply smile and slowly back up until I'm out of the room and finally out of sight. Then I run. Just kidding. With this said, I've decided to respond with one simple word. Values. The truth is that I don't have high standards, I have important values.
What is a value? A value is something on which you place worth. It is something that determines where you will spend your money, your time, with whom, and for what purpose. I think it is crucial to understand your values and then only marry someone with as many of those shared values as possible. In the Christian realm, we often think that just because someone we're attracted to loves God, that this person is automatically a great match for us. What determines a good match has more to do with values than anything else. Don't get me wrong. A love for God is a value central to any romantic relationship, but other values are also important. Someone once told me that just because someone is a man or woman of God does not mean they are the man or woman of God for you. I know of marriages where both husband and wife love God, but are not walking together in harmony. Instead, they are pulling in different directions because they do not value the same things. One values family and ministry while the other values a career so they each pursue their own thing which eventually begins to put a strain on the relationship. Personally, I value education, work ethic, and ministry, so I ideally want to marry someone who values those same qualities. I also value family and children so I want to marry someone who puts family first and wants lots of children. If you value your relationship with God and your mate doesn't, it might be hard for your mate to understand why you take time each day to be with God and to study His word. If you value ministry, then you want someone that also values ministry and is willing to support you when you are ministering in the capacities in which you feel led, even if that means that you might be away from your family for long periods of time. If they really value ministry as you do, they might actually pull up their sleeves and work along side you. If you value health and fitness, then ideally you want to find someone who values the same or is at least willing to support you in your fitness endeavors (going to the gym, paying for the gym, eating healthy, investing in fitness equipment etc.). Different values can lead to friction and sometimes lead to failed marriages. I know this being that I am a child from a broken marriage and having seen them, or the lack of them, in the relationships around me.
So there you have it. That's why I'm not married. I haven't yet found someone who shares my values. When we choose to overlook differing values in a relationship for the sake of "having someone" or not being "alone," we are "settling" in the truest sense. In the long run, we will end up feeling alone anyways. The most important value that anyone can have is a relationship with Jesus Christ. The most wonderful part is that even if you do enter a union with someone who has completely different values than you, He can still give you your happy ending. It may take extra work, but what I find most comforting is that God is never finished with us- ever. If you are still looking to find that special someone, take the time to figure out your values. Write them down. Pray over them. If you've already found him or her and made your sacred vows, allow God guard your shared values and merge others that may need to be adjusted. Just my two cents.
April
